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Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many obstacles, which I admire. But, she's often taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her friends disappeared at that point, as they were focused solely on her husband. She was stunned by her. She made more effort to be my friend, and must have understood more acutely the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, many of her friends have disappeared leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, even though she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we've both left the workforce leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding my role in the relationship is to listen. I open discussion points but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I attempt to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She is organizing a vacation abroad I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in for a while. I attempted to provide insights, but this was not welcomed. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her decisions. I recently returned from a month in that country and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, but I don't think she can grasp the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation aiming for resolution requires bravery and openness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing the way it makes you feel. This allows for no dispute about this. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Finally is to ask how the two of you will alter the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. One effective method is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful to encourage better communication.

Key Takeaways

She could ignore everything, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they have a story regarding their experiences they won't abandon as it feels essential relies on it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present this way before reflecting about what you've said. And should you never reach an agreement, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.