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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?